Men and their unwanted attention

After having been flashed a penis whilst I was taking a walk through Hampstead Heath, I got to think about men and how some of their behaviours were completely off limits. So, this is a piece about my own experience. I hope this can inform women but also men because, lads, enough is enough!

Today was a Bank Holiday Monday in the UK: a Monday off to make the weekend linger, an extra day to enjoy the weather (it’s getting sunnier and warmer at last!).

So, I took the bus to Hampstead, had a little stroll around the high street, sniffed the scent of crêpes and found some gems in the local Oxfam shop. On my way back, I decided to walk that long road that goes through the Heath. I’ve done it a billion times and absolutely adore it. My attention was caught by a guy dressed in a black tracksuit, standing in the bushes. You know how it is: you just do it without thinking. You look for a split second then look away. Only, in that very split second, I saw that this man was holding his penis and intently looking at me. 

My first reaction was to carry on walking. I wasn’t even sure of what had happened and I even started to laugh it off. After a couple of minutes though, I realised what had happened and got thinking about the kids walking by, the other women, the fact that maybe I was lucky he didn’t try to grab me or rape me. I called the police. He was obviously long gone when they arrived; he probably ran off and, hopefully, put his junk away for the rest of the day.

It’s likely he will never be caught: nothing was specific about him. Maybe it was a one-off? Maybe he’s been doing it for weeks and witnesses thought it was too silly to report? Maybe next time he’ll attack someone or a child will see his genitals?

No matter what will happen, if it happens to you, you should report it to the police. Because this might come off as stupid and innocent, but it’s truly not! This is an aggressive and invasive act and you may not even begin to imagine the consequences this could have on someone.

I have been sexually harassed, about 8 years ago. A man who was old enough to be my dad, an ex-colleague of mine, caught me when I was in a vulnerable place in my life. He just “wanted to help” so he had me talking for hours, pretending to be my own therapist. I didn’t see the harm: I never touched him, never mislead him and I was reassured by the fact that he was in his 50’s. It lasted for weeks until that email where he told me he was attracted to me, that he didn’t understand what was happening, that we could talk about it face to face, that he’d take me to a restaurant to do so. I said NO to him; said I never wanted to see him again; that I thought we were friends and that I never wanted this.

For a whole week, he called everyday, he emailed me, and he even talked to my godmother, saying he was trying to help me out. He changed tones: he was apologetic, then almost crying, then angry, then laughing it off, then blaming me. I went to the police and that’s what stopped him. For weeks, months, years, I was terrified that he’d come to my house and try to hurt me. Now, I’m in a different country and that helps, as I doubt he could find me, but this experience has affected my relationships with men. I find it hard to befriend a man, because I’m always thinking: “Is it clear for him that we’re just friend?”

I hate when a man that I’ve just met touches me, like pats my back or my arm. I hate when they’re obviously trying to hit on me like I’m just a talking vagina. I hate when they’re invasive of my privacy: trying to get my number after 5 minutes, asking me where I live precisely, and so on. I feel men in general should just take a step back and think! Just give it a little more time, just enjoy our conversation and stop trying to “score”. They’re all going so fast and they’re all playing deaf when you state you’re not interested. And this is not okay…

I know all men are not like that, thank goodness. But too many are…

So, to all ladies, don’t let any man treat you like you’re not important and like you can’t say “no”. Report any behaviour that is invasive and feels generally wrong.

To men, accept the fact that we, females, are your equals. Think before you act: how would you feel if that was happening to your mother, sister or daughter? Take “no” for an answer and don’t think that, because a woman is friendly, it means she’s willing to be anything more than just that.

Sorry about the seriousness of this post but, I feel you can’t laugh about that kind of subject. I hope this can help raise awareness and I hope they’ll catch that Hampstead pervert!!!

You made Dawson cry :-(